Rules are in no particular order.
My husband has been complaining about his life. I think he's suffering a bout of depression. I know what that's like; I've been there. The thing I learned is that no one in particular can pull you out, it takes you realizing yourself that everything in life is in your control, at least to some degree.
For example: I hate San Diego. No secret there, but more specifically I hate the crowd. So I do my shopping at 7 a.m. I go jogging at 5 a.m. I found that the quiet, peaceful San Diego is beautiful. The sun rising over the mountains, the sweet smell the plant life gives to the air mixed with the evening dampness, the peaceful energy in a day about to begin- there truly is some amazing aspects of San Diego. These are not things I can show my husband. He has to find his beauty for himself.
There in lies the problem.
My husband associates this town with work. When he visited San Francisco and Hawaii while deployed, he also went out and had fun. As a result he thinks of his work in these places but he also thinks of the fun he had and cannot wait to go back. But in San Diego he won't get out, he won't go have fun. His answer to me is "I don't feel like it."
That "I don't feel like it" attitude is going to result in things never changing. Improvement of one's life starts with 1 simple thing: Change. Not every change will bring improvement, but I promise it will not get any better if you don't at least try.
Battle #2 I have with my husband is how he compares himself to others so frequently.
"All my co-workers are going out and having fun," usually followed by, "Well, these guys don't have families though."
"I hear all the time how guys getting out of the military cannot get a job! That will be me, too!" - THIS one Especially Bugs Me!
Ok, that's great for Tom, Dick, and Roger. But They. Are. Not. You! How do you know how truthful these stories are, or how exaggerated they are? How do you know the exact steps they took will be the exact same ones you took?
Literally every circumstance is different. Maybe Bob cannot get a job, but maybe Bob is also going about it all wrong. Maybe Bob isn't reaching out to friends, maybe Bob isn't marketing himself in the correct light. Maybe Bob just doesn't have the right skills.
Reality Check: it's virtually impossible to find someone with the exact same skills doing the exact same thing the exact same way you are to know you will have the exact same results as Bob. Point? It's Not The Same Thing!
YOU are in control of Your life. Letting Bob's results control your life is just insane!
I am an administrative assistant. For all the 'guys getting out of the military with the exact same skills as me' that my husband fears, there are probably 4x as many girls as me with the same or better skills all seeking the same job as I will be when we move.
Why am I not afraid?
Because I am in control of my life, not them.
I've already started preparing my resume and have begun job hunting now to see what the market looks like & what skills are most sought after, and I have 2 years left; will they be this prepared? I'm maintaining my relationships with old colleagues so I have contacts back home to fall back on- do they?
This is my very point. Every person is different, which makes every situation different, so there's no way you can accurately compare how your results will turn out based upon someone else. Stop Comparing Yourself To Others!!
Now, if Bob or Jane do get the job I'm seeking, it means I need to examine what I'm doing wrong & what they did right, so I can get it right next time.
It's all in my control.
For my husband, there's not much I can do but keep poking at him to join me until - maybe if I'm very lucky- he finally does.
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