Rules are in no particular order, just how it comes out of my head.
Mastering this one takes time, but I've found this one useful since I was a teenager.
Hint: I was not a 'popular' kid.
In fact, the few friends I'd made my senior year decided they no longer wanted to be my friend because I wouldn't join them in getting stoned.
At first I was upset- hurt- felt like the fault was my own.
Then I realized: what kind of people does this make them? Certainly not quality, and don't I deserve quality people in my life?
Huh... it turns out they did me a favor.
Once I had this realization, it was amazing how easy it was for me to learn how to interpret and master my reactions to the actions of others. This rule goes from big things to little things.
Scenario: Your kid just dumped cereal all over the new, clean couch.
Upsetting- potentially, but not worth being upset.
The child was careless, yes, but yelling will intimidate child, not teach them to be more careful. When has anyone ever responded from being screamed at? Military members? Yeah, they're Really happy, let me tell you...
Move quicker through the emotional process. Instant acceptance is a lot more calming and easier to manage, plus discussions are easier for kids to understand than screaming, and much more productive. Anger does not change the scenario. Acceptance doesn't either, but you don't have anything festering inside you long after the mess is cleaned up, where as anger will often linger. A calm head can better assess damage-control, while an angry head tends to act irrationally.
Of all ironic moments, I found this in my facebook feeds today after I wrote the above example
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Scenario 2: Someone insults you.
What are words, really? A means of communication.
Insults are a means of communication with the desire to evoke or express negative emotion.
Person A has just insulted me, their intent of this is to either a.) upset me, or b.) spread their negativity, or c.) Both.
A: Being upset over what is said acknowledges truth to its words. Unless I believe it, it's easily disregarded.
B: I surround myself with so much positive energy that a little negative cannot even touch me
C: If A & B can't touch me, C is a lost cause.
This one usually involves a moment's pause to dig to the deeper meaning, maybe do a little self-examination (hm, could this be true?), and think of the big picture: should this 1 insult change the way I carry myself over the course of the next 5-10 years?
It takes time and lots of practice, but with practice comes speed. Now when my boss has a bad day and comes down on me for something I have no control over, I look it as a reflection of how upset their lives are, and pity them for it. That must be a horrible way to live, all stressed out and angry all the time. Plus a ton of energy wasted on emotions which ad 0 value to life. So let the boss get their emotions out, while you maintain a positive calm attitude, and amaze them by coming up with a positive solution a lot faster than their agitated brain did. Who wins out in the end?
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