Ah Halloween, the time when TV begins to advertise Christmas. It is surprising to think it's 9 weeks away, though. Luckily, this year I've been smart. I've been putting aside $25 - $50 from each paycheck and have just about all I need saved for gifts this year. Usually I panic and a few weeks before make just my minimum payments on everything, then scrimp and save what I can here & there to just get by. This should be a good year, I'm glad I used my head for a change.
This year is unique for me. My job is giving everyone off the full week of Christmas. While most people would elate an an opportunity for this, I can't help but dread it. I have no friends, no family, and I already spend my weekends stuck at home. How could I want 5 extra days to remind myself how much I hate being so far from my loved ones and being a virtual prisoner in my home?
I acknowledge that I'm whining. Life is as interesting as you make it, and if my life is boring, who do I have to blame but myself?
And that's the problem. I tell myself "Ok, let's make life more interesting then! What do I love to do?" The answer comes quickly. What I seek most is to go home, to be home. Home for Christmas again. Christmas with my family, with my niece and nephews. I feel like it's been a year since I last saw them instead of only 5 months ago.
But that's not as easy as it sounds. We drive the 2,000 miles instead of flying. My husband doesn't want to get stuck with a plane ticket we may never end up using (even though I keep telling him that wouldn't be the case). He won't risk the military cancelling his leave and us being stuck with a credit with an airline, or not getting anything back at all. He insists if we were to fly home, it would have to be refundable. $2,800 for 2 round-trip refundable tickets. t is cheaper to drive home. Plus we don't have the rental car costs once we get there. It's a nice comfort having our own car with us.
So we drive; there are 2 major routes for us to take. In the spring we take I-70 to I-80 and it's a nice drive through the Rocky Mountains. But even in May this year we encountered snow. I don't think December would be a smart time to drive around those parts unless we plan to get stuck. That leaves us with I-40, but that is an extra 4 hours added onto our drive when we already are pressed for time.
Problem #2: My husband doesn't like my driving, he insists on driving himself. Which leads me to ...
Problem #3: My husband doesn't like driving at night on interstates he's not fully familiar with. December is, of course, the darkest time of year, which leave us with little drive time.
Really what it boils down to is the problem is my husband! lol Isn't it always the man's fault? ;)
Of course there is also the cost concern. It'll cost us roughly $2,800 for this trip. We're just now re-building our savings that was depleted from the trip in May. Money spent here will take away from money spent next year May.
The option is to stay home and find a way to enjoy a quiet holiday (something I am CERTAIN I will miss in years to come), or spend $2,800, drive for 6 days, deal with a very unhappy husband for months to come just to see my family & his family for roughly 5 days.
Yes, all arrows are pointing emphatically to "You Can't Go".
Oh, did I mention I don't HAVE $2,800 to spend? So this trip would also have to go on credit cards if we did go. Kind of defeats the purpose of my paying Off my credit cards, doesn't it?
Even with all these reasons not to go, and they greatly outweigh it, there is some insane part of my brain that says "...Please find a way, I want to go home! I miss my friends & family!"
For almost 2 months now I've been fighting this little voice. It's like a craving for your favorite food. Until you eat it, it will not go away. No similar food comes close, because your taste buds are in the mood for only 1 specific combination of favors and nothing less will do. No small road trip, no closer destination will cut it.
I want to go home for Christmas. I want to see my family. I want to watch the smiles appear on my niece and nephew's face in person, not over a choppy skype cam. I want to taste my mom's cooking and watch some wimpy snow fall (December storms have been pathetic for years in the Chicago area, and melt several days later). I want to feel the brisk chill of early winter again, and remind myself why I enjoy living in San Diego for the time being!
And maybe that's the root of all of it. I know after I spend a week in stress of family pulling me several directions at once, cooped up in a car, not sleeping in my own bed, that I'll appreciate what I have in San Diego once more, even if it is only a temporary fix.
But how could I do that to my husband? He, who rarely complains, who goes along with my crazy ideas, who loves me, who works so hard and is rarely home. How can I take him away from home at his first opportunity to stay home in over a year? I already took 1 vacation he had this year and dragged him back to Chicago in May. He was grumpy and stressed over it for MONTHS. Can I really do that to him again? Do I really want to put up with him being like that again?
No.
So why can't I get this idea out of my head? Why is it that going over all this still makes me want to say "Oh, shut up and just go!" ?
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