Eat, Pray, Love was that way for me, too. The problem with this is that I adore Julia Roberts films. Ironic, no? I can't stand a lot of over-hyped things but I love an actress who's movies are often over-hyped and whom was, herself, over-hyped for a while. I have a tolerance level to this that I don't understand it myself. LOVED the Avengers movies; Saw it on opening weekend. Won't watch Eat, Pray, Love. Make sense? I know, I'm weird.
I made a promise to myself that after the hype died down I would watch it. Then I learned it was a book first. That means I must read the book before I watch the movie.
Here's another side-story: I had a theory that everyone dislikes a movie that was a book if they read the book first. When "Where The Heart Is" came out I had read the book a year or so prior. I was upset by some of the dropped items in the movie an some of the variances between movie and book. I loved the book. The movie could have been better, but failed because it failed to follow the book better. Loved The Green Mile; never read the book. Both loved and hated The Other Bolen Girl book; was luke-warm about the movie at best. I developed a new plan: watch the movie first, then read the book. Maybe I'll enjoy the movie and book alike. I tested this theory on The Hunger Games. Problem with this theory? People generally want to watch the movie to see what they've read and pictured in their head come to life in front of them. I don't want to read the book because I already have a vision of how it will be and what will happen for the most part. True, there are bound to be details that are different, but I'm finding I don't care as much. I think it also hurts facts that I didn't really enjoy the movie. Kind of flaws the testing. Either way, I've determined my theory to be either incorrect or inconclusive an I am returning to reading the book first, then watching the movies.
So it's been quite a few years now and I'm finally curious about what the hype was about for Eat, Pray, Love. I am finding what others probably found when reading this book or maybe even watching the movie: maybe I need to do a little introspection like the author did. I am only into "bead 9" and am finding myself relating a lot to the author's former, messed up lifestyle. It has me questioning my own life; am I really happy with how it is right now?
Last night, in a phone conversation with my once-again-gone husband, I mentioned to him, "I don't really feel like I have a life of my own anymore; I'm just living your life." So it's no wonder I'm relating to a woman who finds herself in a mid-life crisis of sorts.
I'm in a dead-end job. I love where I work, I love who I work for, but being a phone receptionist and mailroom clerk will not get me into the career field I enjoy. I loved working as the receptionist of a physical therapy office; I had a real excitement about seeing patients, felt a great importance about the work I did- however medial. I am a 'need to be busy' girl, and this job doesn't cut it. I am blogging while on the clock, and no one minds. Doesn't that say something? Give me more work to do, I'd be happy to keep busy and let time pass faster. I preached this for over a year to every department member I could find before giving up- it produced no results.
My marriage is good when he's around most of the time. When he's not around it's a question of if it's worth it all the time for me. Our vacation home was a big bust. He spent most of the time complaining, meanwhile I missed seeing most of my friends and my family as much as I wanted because we were seeing His friends, His family, buying a new car for Him. I can't even bring up that I'm upset about it because he's still so wound up from deployment that any little thing I say is twisted to be ten times worse than what I mean. So I can't talk to him, but he's hardly around to talk to anyway. The problem is that's Not His Fault. It's the Navy, not his choice. How can I resent him for something he has no control over?
What is left in my life? My friends are distancing themselves from me. At the end of the day, it's too hard to coordinate a phone call when they have dishes to do before bed and are exhausted themselves. I miss out on what's going on in their lives, I'm fading out of the picture. I cannot blame them for this, either. I'm guilty of the same crime. By the time I think to call them, it's 2 hours later there than here an they're already in bed. It doesn't help that my Once a Year visit to them skipped all but 2 of them, and even those visits were shorter than I wanted and lacking a "let's go out and have fun" memory.
I have made no real friends in San Diego beyond my colleagues, people I don't see outside of work. I've given up trying. I used to walk into a Wal-Mart and make a new friend back home. Out here I concentrate on not getting pocket-picked in a Walmart and avoiding getting run over by carts. (It's an ''Every Man For Himself" mentality in San Diego everywhere you go- highway or isle way.)
What about getting a pet? Our place is a 'no pets' place, but I read online that if I have a doctor's note saying I need it for mental stability I can bypass that. Problem is pets cost money. Getting a new car for my husband has stretched our budget too thin. Not to mention we have no intention of staying here after my husband's done with the military so I'd have to pay to ship the animal across country. No, that's not a good plan. Not cost smart, and not smart to a potential pet. (I speak of a cat or dog, not a fish.)
To sum up: a husband in my life part-time, a job that is going nowhere, no friends, family, or pets, in a place that I hate.
I'm asking myself the same thing the author is asking now. What do I want? What will make me happy? Not I, as in my brain, the I that is in my heart.
- I want my friends back. I love them, they are my extended family. They make me laugh, support me, and tell me to shut up when I go a little crazy.
- I want my family back. I miss my niece and nephews so much. I miss the dinners with my family. I don't miss the drama of my mom, but the other aspects make it worth while.
- I want out of the city, specifically San Diego!!
- I want a new job; something in the health field, or at least something that keeps me busier in my days so i'm not mind-numbingly bored all day.
I shouldn't complain about my life. I get paid for doing very little all day. I have a job, that in itself is something people would kill for. I have a man who loves me, a love surviving impossible situations already. I have a beautiful house and am financially comfortable. I am truly lucky.
I'm not living a life a want, though. I won't be able to for several years. Life is so short; I could go at any time. Do I really want to spend 2 years unhappy to be with my husband part time?
Ok, I shouldn't say "unhappy". I make the most of what I'm given. I want more than I'm given, though. I worked so hard to get my own place, get in a great job position. And for what? To down-grade in pay, to live somewhere I hate, to be trapped?
On the other hand, some people could say that about this economy. They lost their job without their choice, I picked this life. They are stuck and cannot find new work, at least I'm working. They are broke, I have a savings account. It's so hard to be unhappy when you're an eternal optimist.
I want more out of my life. Am I willing to wait nearly 3 years to get it? Will my husband understand at that point that we spent 3 years following his dreams, now it is my turn? Especially since the navy was never his dream, just his solution to a mountain of school loans and 3 part-time jobs to make ends meet running him into the ground.
This damn book made me ask these questions, hopefully it will offer me some answers soon.
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