Lots of challenges for families of military. I never understood what made them so special when I was just a regular civilian. Now I see the truth to it: you have no control over your life.
What does that say about the spouse, one not in the military, who accepts this lifestyle willingly?
I suspect a large percentage don't realize what they're getting themselves into.
I knew from the start what I was getting into. It was part of the reason I never understood why people would join the military. Yes, it's a secure job. Even better if you are proud to fight for your country. And, I'm sorry to say, most people I know went for motivator #1 as the starting point, #2 was just an after-thought.
I knew as long as Hubby was in the military, I would come second in his life. Not that he wants it that way, but that's the situation it requires. I'm not talking about the "oh, I have a bad day, and my Hubby wasn't there for me" whine that girls do... ok, though that does suck some days too. I'm talking "Oh shit, something just blew up/ died/ I just robbed a bank, and my husband isn't going to be able to be there for me."
I tell myself "he's worth it". I believe that, but I know some people that would call that stupid.
I know girls that would dump boyfriends for less.
In an examination of my relationships, I find that I rarely was truly, classically In Love. I loved At men. The difference? The love I felt rarely synced with their life. The result? I learned how to be alone. Maybe too well.
I accepted this life, knowing it would lead me to occasional solitude.
When the big phase of Deployment arrived, I did not run. I learned to accept and embrace my surroundings. I accepted my solitude. Some might say I institutionalized myself.
Some lean to other military families for support, some make new friends, some move back to their home town, to let their families help them through the tough times.
I embraced my state of alone.
Again, though for a shorter time, I find myself in this same situation.
What does that say about me? What does that say about my marriage, and it's chance of success, when my husband is able to devote full time to me?
Growing up my parents worked several jobs so even then I found myself alone. I started going for long walks at age 12, and it took my parents a week to realize I disappeared every other evening for an hour. I vividly remember this, because I remember thinking how messed up it was when I came back from my walk and they were angry with me. How can you be angry at what you're missing?
Child to adulthood, alone has been my status. Some days it sucks, but most of the time I learn it's OK. I enjoy myself, I am relaxed, I am productive. Being alone is my status of life
The state o isn't the real problem, though. The problem is something a bit more obvious.
I am so very, utterly bored!
Real Problem: I have entirely too much time on my hands.
Truly, I'm doing such a typical girly thing by over-analyzing my situation. I am nit-picking and reaching to conclusions that are insane. Yes, I'm alone. So freaking what! I also spent most of the last year with my husband with 0 problems. This "alone" status isn't really a problem. I'm making it into a problem so my brain will have something to think about.
That's why the key to being a military wife is knowing how to distract yourself. The brain needs problems to solve and things to think about. In absence of that, it will start making shit up! Thank God I can recognize this, or I would be wrongfully filing divorce papers soon, convinced I had entered into this marriage by mistake, on some divine mission that I am truly meant to live a life of solitude. THAT would be a mistake.
Amusingly, I discovered I'm not alone in being bored. I found this on pinterest:
Not a bad idea, except I've done them. But how does one define 'helpful?' I think I'll go look up some Random Acts of Kindness to unleash. A much more healthy use of my mind and time.
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