Surviving the Holidays...

Typically I am a Christmas Junkie. I have holiday music playing and decorations up on Thanksgiving, if not days before. I am replaying happy holiday memories in my head all month long. White Christmas is played an re-played. My red Santa hat has made numerous appearances. I'm that girl that makes some people sick, but I don't care. There is always something magical about the season that makes people a little happier for no good reason. Not just happier, more social. The air has a certain magic feel about it that makes you want to believe in the impossible. It is the end of another year, good or bad, and the birth of a new year full of possibilities. That alone is magic to me.

Ah, but this year... This year will be my greatest struggle. Over Thanksgiving weekend I went into a local store and heard the faithful Christmas tunes overhead and it took everything in me to keep from breaking down. I took a deep breath, made a bee line for what I needed, and ran out of that atmosphere before I made a scene. 

Christmas music holds no joy for me this year. The magic is gone. No special feeling. No possibilities. I am the only door on my row of a 5 home duplex that doesn't at least have a wreath. I have decorations, but I just can't bring myself to put them up. White Christmas has remain unplayed, and I will not be singing along to the holiday tunes. Even the Holiday episode of Castle left me with a bitter taste. Be it fictional characters, they still have someone. I shouldn't be jealous, I should be enjoying the chemistry between two terrific actors. I just... can't.

Despite my bah-humbug attitude I am determined to survive this holiday season. It's only the 4th of December and I'm already singing the blues so I know I have my work cut out for me. It is in giving that we receive, though. Part of my nature is I can't sit still, so I'm going to put my hands to work. I'm going to knit. How many scarves and hats can I make for homeless shelters? Can I whip a blanket out in a month? It typically takes me a year, so I doubt it. Doesn't mean I can't try. 

As I've said in other posts, how we experience this life depends solely on ourselves; our attitude and our perception. I just need a perception adjustment. My husband, and my family, and I are separated this year. But it's only one year. One year over what I hope to be 70+ years of memories in my lifetime. I can survive one year alone. It will make me stronger for when I am surrounded by the stress and chaos that having holiday plans can bring.

Off to make a hat!